Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
