your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
