This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
