yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
