I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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