I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
