we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
