Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
areolas are like halos for boobs.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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