Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
