Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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