She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
