Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
