who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
