can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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