How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
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