apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Randomize
