brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
