By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
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