Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
