50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
