They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
