I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
This baby is an asshole
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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