my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
