I am in a vortex of obligation.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
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