if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
