she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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