I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
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