i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
