Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
