My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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