If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
