Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
