You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize