For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
