... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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