where am i from again
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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