Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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