the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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