I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
