Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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