a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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