The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Operation Purity has been aborted
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
