Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize