They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
