omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
