are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I smell like Dick and happiness
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
