I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
