I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
