That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize