Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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