Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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