UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Be still, my beating vagina.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
false alarm, still single
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
