I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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