Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
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And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
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no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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