woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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