can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
