And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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