I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
