She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
