i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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