i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
