I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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