Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
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I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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