I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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