Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
don't judge my taste in strippers
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
