You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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