i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
