I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
