i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
