I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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