I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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