You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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