Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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