Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
