the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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