your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
