the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
