Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
