dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I deserve this hangover.
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